Let the Joys of Parenting Begin

We are continuing to have a lot of fun in Riga.  We try to go somewhere new every day, even if it is just to find a geocache.

Or to hang out at a coffee shop and play Pass the Pigs (which is a fantastic game because it doesn't require any English).

When I said that the last week had been a fairy tale, I wasn't kidding.  Everything had gone very smoothly.  No drama, no issues.  But we are slowly moving into parental reality, which, I've heard, is not always a fairy tale.

Our first brush with reality was on Tuesday.  We were in a bookstore, and D really wanted to buy a DVD.

We said no.

It was Fast and Furious 3.

In Polish.

No Latvian subtitles.

Just Polish.

D doesn't speak Polish.

And I'm not even sure what that movie is rated.

We said no.

D was not happy.

He stuck out his lower lip further than I thought physically possible and pulled his hood over his eyes.  We left the store and continued walking.

Fans and I looked at each other with wide eyes.

Ok, I think this is the beginning of parenting?

He was walking behind us, giving us the stink eye.

I wish I had a picture.

"Mean Americans.  They won't even buy me a Polish DVD for 4 euros.

Of all the possible parents, you send me these two?

Thanks America."

We whispered to each other, "What do we do?" 

So, we just decided to ignore him.

Gotta give the kid credit, he held on with that pout for a good 45 minutes.

I know to you professional parents that have been doing this for years, with multiple children, this seems so minor.  But this was our first big parenting thing!

It felt huge!

It felt like the steps we took here would determine his entire future!

Ok, maybe not that dramatic, but it was definitely a first for us.

And I also discovered, pouting kids are super annoying!

Sorry mom and dad, for every time I pulled that trick.

By the time we reached our destination, he was distracted and back to normal.

The hardest part about this new world of parenting is the language barrier.  We can't even explain to him why we said no.

We don't buy everything we want.

Sometimes (a lot of times) Mom and Dad will say no.

That movie is not appropriate. 

YOU DON'T SPEAK POLISH.

Many pouting fits have happened since this first one, so it's obvious that this it is a tactic that has worked for him in the past.  

But we aren't in Kansas anymore Toto.  

Little by little I think he is understanding that we when we say no, it means no.  Not that he isn't still trying the pout tactic.  I almost got the broom out one time to help prop up that lower lip, as I wasn't sure how he was physically able to stick it out that far.

Or like when we told him to shut down the iPad, he ran to his room with a whimper.

It truly is a hard knock life.

Please pray for our patience and that we are doing this right!

The great thing about D is that he always bounces back.  The other day he pouted in his room because we wouldn't let him have candy for breakfast.  So we let him sit in there and in about 10 minutes he came back out and sat next to Fans and leaned against him.  I made him pick up the candy that he had dropped on the ground and he gave me a hug.  He shows remorse which is good.  And I do think he really is starting to realize that the pouting will get him nowhere.

And that we don't eat candy for breakfast.

Unless it is Easter or Christmas.  

Despite our slow descent from the fairy tale heights, we are still having a ton of fun as a family.  We went to a great children's interactive museum called Zili Brinumi.  Lots of fun experiments and hands on toys.  You can even ride scooters around inside.

We have found a few geocaches every day, and I have to give Fans credit, it has been a great thing.  D really loves it and it's so much more fun then aimlessly wandering.

He found this one at the train station.  

And another one a few blocks away.

Sometimes he is literally climbing the walls.

Or anything else that is climbable.

We stopped at a bookstore and got one of Fan's favorite childhood books, "The Giving Tree", in Latvian.  That night D read it to us and it was one of those remember forever moments.  I have a short video of it that I will try to upload later.

We rode the glass elevators to the top of the Radisson.

And found this sign that says "If you want to play the piano from the movie 'Big', just keep going straight."

He didn't get the joke but was a good sport and smiled anyways.

One of the most exciting things we've gotten to do was go to a Dinamo Riga hockey game.  That is their national team and it is a big deal to go.  A bunch of the kids from the orphanage were given tickets and the director invited us to meet them there.

It was fun to watch D interact with his friends.

I love to hear them speak in Latvian.  I think it is so good for him to be able to communicate, if only for a few hours.  I don't realize how exhausting it is for him to try and understand us.  It takes a lot of mental energy to constantly decipher what we are saying or to be understood, so I think it is great that he got to just speak his language for a night.  I wish I knew what he was saying to them.

"Yeah, they're ok.  But they don't let me eat candy for breakfast.  And they didn't buy me a Polish DVD.  But, eh, we'll see where it goes."

 After the first period when the players were leaving the ice, the boys ran over to get high fives.  One player handed the game puck to D.  He freaked out.  It was awesome.  

He took a bath with the puck when he got home.  Yes, a bath.

Then he slept with it.

It was a good day.

Right now the boys are off doing some geocaching and buying train tickets for an overnight trip we are taking to Jurmala tomorrow.  I am in the apartment completely alone for the first time since being here and not gonna lie, it's a little bit heavenly.

Exactly one week ago today was our first full day with our son.  We have covered many miles in that time, both on the streets of Riga but also when it comes to bonding.  D is getting more and more comfortable, now he jumps on my bed in the morning and says "Mom, let's go!" (I like to sleep in).  And he loves to snuggle and hug and be kissed and tickled.  They told us he would act much younger emotionally and in many ways he does.  Getting parents at 11 years old, there are many years to make up for.  You can tell he just loves to be cuddled and held, almost like a baby.  Craving all those things that he lacked.  

The other morning he was running across the room and hit his foot on the table leg.  He sort of whimpered then Fans went over to him and he looked up at Fans and started to cry.  Fans scooped him up in his arms and carried him to the couch.  D just held tight around his neck and cried.  Huge tears.  I held a wet towel on his foot and sat next to them.  In those moments, it's not just about a hurt foot.  At that point you could tell the foot wasn't really the thing that was hurting.  I believe that D is finally getting something he has yearned for for so many years.  A dad that scoops him up and protects him and a mom that kisses his hurts.

So thankful that God has allowed us to come into this boy's life to do that for him.

And thankful that God comes into ours to do the same.

Little Moments

Thank you for all the kind comments about D Day, I really wish I had time to respond to each one.  It is great to feel support and love from family and friends while going through this crazy transition of adoption.  

The posts will certainly be less dramatic from here on out…not sure anything can quite top the emotion of that day.

Unless you're Fans, in which case the emotion of your first geocache found with your son eclipses any and all previous emotions known to man.

 Yep, that's right, we've gone from D Day to G Day.  If you don't know what geocaching is, google it.  If you know Fans and his adoration of geocaching, you are rolling your eyes right now.

We were at this sweet tea house, a circular glass two story structure where you sit on pillows facing out.  And they make you take your shoes off.  You know it's fancy when they do that.

Fans knew there was a cache hidden there, and his geo senses were on high alert, so he went for it.  He had to go to the counter and order a "mandarin tea".  Upon hearing that, the girl gave him a nod and pulled out a box from behind the counter, handed it to Fans, and said to bring it back in a few minutes.  The funny thing is, we are completely unable to explain to D what geocaching is, so for awhile I think he thought Fans was a Russian spy or something.  Pretty funny.

Before the tea house, we checked out a Latvian church which was really cool.  They sang all the same songs we do at home but in Latvian.  It was beautiful.  This is Fans and D right outside our apartment on the way to church.

After the tea house, we headed to Old Riga in search of a boat for D to play with in the tub.  That's the fun thing about these bonding days, your entire goal for the day can be as simple as finding a boat, and 7 hours later you've had a day of adventure.

Old Riga is beautiful.  Narrow, cobblestone streets and colorful old buildings.

 When we got home that night, as soon as D was inside he ran to the living room to get something and then went around turning off every light.  I was like, "What the heck is he doing?"

Then I heard the classic snap of a glow stick.  I forgot that I had told him that morning when he tried to open them that they can't be opened until it was dark out.

I will never forget the next 6 minutes.

We each had a glow stick in both hands, Fans cranked up some music, and the three of us had an impromptu dance party all around the apartment.  We were laughing and singing and making a glow stick dance train…it was so spontaneous.  I wanted to stop and get a picture but I didn't want to wreck the moment.  In the words of Rose in Titanic, that dance party, "it exists…only in my memory".

Little moments.

Later that night, we had a Facetime marathon.

D met a bunch of his new family.  He can be really shy on camera, it usually takes him awhile to come out from hiding under his hood.  His instinct when he is uncomfortable seems to be to hide.

But there was no hiding when he met Wrigley.

This morning we met with Dace for the last time, as she is actually headed to the US for work and will be gone the rest of our time here.  We are so sad that she is leaving, but so thankful we got to share the first couple of days with her.

I'm not sure D totally knows how to process leaving people he loves like Dace.  It's so hard since we can't communicate that with him, and even if we could, I'm not sure he even knows how to process those emotions.  I think a part of him is programmed to know that people come and people go, and to not get too close because they will be gone soon enough.  But he loves Dace and I think it was hard for him to say goodbye.  He was very quiet on the tram ride after we left her.

The good thing is that all three of us will see her in about 6 months on our last trip back to Latvia which will for be our final court date.

After Dace, we headed to the Riga Zoo.

 Pretty cool to actually be able to pet a zebra.  

It was a great zoo.

Then it was back on the tram for (as far as I could tell) D's first fro yo.

D is very much your typical 11 year old boy.

He loves games of all kinds.

He loves climbing on top of things.

He loves stealing my phone and taking selfies.

He loves being silly.

And he loves his dad.

And if I thought that there would be any sort of honeymoon period where he wouldn't be obsessed with the same things American kids are…I was wrong.  When I asked Dace to ask him if he had any questions for us that he hadn't been able to communicate the last few days that we had spent without a translator, he hesitated for a bit and then said, "Ask them...when do I get a phone?"

Oh boy.  

These days following our big meeting have been filled not with amazing groundbreaking events, but a compilation of many little moments.

Little moments on the tram.

Little moments snuggling on the couch.

Little moments dancing in the dark at our first family rave.

These little moments are all piling up…each moment seeming to bond our family a little tighter.

Praising God tonight for the gift of little moments.

D Day, Part Two

*** JUST A HEAD'S UP THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST BLOG POST THAT WILL BE LINKED TO FACEBOOK.  WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT PUTTING TOO MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT D ONLINE UNTIL THE ADOPTION IS OFFICIALLY COMPLETE.  THE LATVIAN GOVERNMENT IS QUITE PARTICULAR ABOUT IT, SO WE'D RATHER NOT UPSET THEM.  THE BLOG WILL STILL BE UPDATED REGULARLY, JUST NOT SHARED ON FACEBOOK.  TO BE NOTIFIED OF THE LATEST BLOG POSTS, YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR EMAIL ALERTS IN THE BAR TO THE RIGHT.  THANKS!***

We last left off in D's room, minutes after our first meeting.  We had about 20 minutes alone, just the three of us, looking at pictures and him showing us his things.  His room was very neat and his bed was made perfectly.  I wondered how many times he had rearranged his things as we were meeting with the director for the hour before.  He was still very teary but had stopped crying.  Fans and I just kept talking, he probably didn't understand much but we were trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible.  We took our first pictures together.  

He has a great smile.

They called us into the other room for lunch.  They had prepared a meal for the three of us along with Dace and Inta, one of the caregivers that has worked with D for the last few years.  It was so sweet.  As we walked up to the table, D pulled my chair out for me.  The second we sat down, D started in on his cabbage soup. He ate really fast and as soon as he finished the soup, he jumped up to carry his bowl to the kitchen then sat back down and started in on his plate of chicken and potatoes.  I think I had barely picked up my spoon at that point.  I thought to myself, "Whoa, kid can eat…we are going to need a bigger fridge."  Then Dace and Inta started looking at each other and saying something in Latvian.  They were shocked because I guess D had not eaten well in days, and suddenly his appetite was back with a vengeance.  Those nerves had settled enough to finally eat.  And eat he did.  

We asked him a few questions through Dace…What's your favorite food?  What's your favorite animal?  And we talked a bit about the orphanage with Inta.  D was done really quickly, and he took his plate to the kitchen, wiped off his area with a rag, then went over to the couch.  I could see him staring at us out of the corner of my eye as we finished.  

He was playing with a balloon, so Fans walked over and pretended to steal it.  Then I walked over and we started playing "Monkey in the Middle".  

And at that point, the ice was officially broken.  

Soon he was giggling and the bonding had begun.  I will forever credit "Monkey in the Middle" as the game that moved us from awkward to comfortable.

After a few minutes, we all went back to the table for coffee and tea and some more conversation.  Our Latvian attorney came in as well as the orphanage director.  D started to clam up a little because he knew we were all headed to the orphan court and he was really scared about it.  It is a short proceeding but a little intimidating, so they kept reassuring him that he would do fine.  He had to answer a few questions so he was anxious.

We all made our way outside and got in cars and headed to court.  It was only about 15 minutes long, but it was surprisingly formal.  When it came to the part where D had to answer, he instantly put his head down and started to cry.  There was just so much emotion wrapped up in that day, and at that point, we were still strangers.  It was still very scary for him.

But he did great, and soon we were back in the car headed back to our apartment.  The three of us were in the back seat, and not much was said.  There's always so much I want to say and questions I want to ask, but the language barrier is so hard.  He and Fans actually both fell asleep for part of the drive.  I can't explain what an emotionally draining week it has been for all three of us.

We got dropped off at our apartment, and D seemed comfortable leaving Dace which was a good sign. He loves her very much and is really close with her, so we were a little worried he would have trouble leaving her to be alone with us officially for the first time.

We got inside and showed him around.  He looked over all the toys/puzzles/games we had brought with wide eyes.  We showed him his room and his closet of new clothes.  Without us saying a word, he immediately started trying everything on.  I was like, "Ok, so…this is happening.  Alright."  I think seeing a closet of new clothes was just too much to save it until later.  He came out wearing the swim trunks, which seem to be his favorite.  Whenever we get home, he puts them on.  

He's very aquatic chic.

We spent our first night together making spaghetti dinner (he doesn't like sauce but douses his in ketchup…what the what??) then playing some basketball.  We brought one of those little over-the-door basketball hoops, which has been an absolute godsend.  Our apartment has these amazingly tall ceilings so it is perfect for basketball.

Then we watched some olympics.

He liked that he had the same jams as Fans.

After a bath and a little iPad game time, he went to bed.  He was so, so tired.  We all were.  He snored that first night and hasn't snored since.  I sat out in the living room listening and wondered if maybe he was sleeping soundly for the first time in a long time.  

Knowing he has been adopted.  

Knowing he has a family that loves him.  

Knowing he is safe.  

Or maybe he was just pooped.  Who knows.

The next morning I woke up to this.

 I don't even care that I'm bald and topless.  It's the cutest thing I have ever seen.

I've always wanted a long-torsoed family.

He told the psychiatrist at the orphanage that his dream was to go ice skating with us, so you can bet your sweet cinnamon buns that we went that very first day.

And then we stopped at Double Coffee (sort of like a Latvian Starbucks, but fancier) for hot cocoa.

There was that magical moment where he grabbed our hands for the first time as we were walking through the city.  

Fans and I looked at each other over his head and smiled.

Presh.

He loves Fans.  Just can't get enough of Fans.  I love to watch them together because you can just tell that D is absolutely starving for a dad's affection.  Most if not all of the caregivers at the orphanage are female, so you can imagine how much a little boy would crave a father figure.  If he could, D would just wrestle/play keep away/play basketball...play anything…all day long if that means he gets to be with his Dad.

It is so precious.

Fans is such a good dad to him.  So patient and affectionate.  

He is just what D needs in a father.

Today we did some more exploring, went to the Lego movie, and then out for a small bite of pizza.

 Ordering pizza in centimeters is confusing.  Dang metric system.

Kid was in pizza heaven.

It absolutely blows my mind that we have only known this child for 60 hours.  When I think about that car ride from the orphanage to the apartment, and how we still very much felt like strangers, to now, just 2 days later…so much has changed.  Just 2 days of some quality time, some routine, some miles walked, some hugs and affection, some meals shared, lots of laughs...and we have quickly become a family.

Each hour gets more comfortable.  

Each bedtime seems more normal.

Each hug feels more natural.

This bonding time is an absolute gift.  Three solid weeks with no schedules, no expectations, no job responsibilities, no pressure.  Just time to become a family.

Knowing how good we feel 60 hours in, I can't wait to see how we are at the end.

I know it's not all fairy tales and butterflies and glitter glue...that there are big mountains ahead and pain to be shared and healing to begin.

But for now, it all feels like a fairy tale.

The family I have wished for deep down in my heart for the last 12 years is coming to life in front of my eyes.

And the tears are falling as I hear the sound of a sleeping boy in the next room.

My sleeping boy.

Thank you God.