Three Months in America

 I can't believe D has been home for only three months.  

It feels like he's been here, well, forever.  

We have packed a lot into these last 90 days, and this transition period has gone better than I think we could have imagined.

Crazy enough, I am actually writing this post from Riga.

I am here on our second of three required trips, and for this one I am here solo.  I just returned from a civil court hearing, which was a little more intense than orphan court during the first trip.  Very formal…judges in robes…me at a podium defending why we should be able to adopt D.

The good news is…D is now officially a Fanning!  The adoption process is over as far as Latvia is concerned.  Our last trip will be dealing with the US Embassy here in Riga which will then make D an official US citizen.

Such a process.

I guess he's worth it.

Jk he's totally worth it!

We of course have only fallen more in love with D as time goes on.  Our family bond continues to grow with each week that passes.  It really does feel like we've known him longer than 4 months.  

Other than the few pouting episodes the first week he was here, he has adjusted incredibly well and has settled into American life like a champ.  Sometimes Fans and I look at each other and say, "Was this kid really raised in an orphanage?"  Certainly challenges will come our way, but we are thankful to have transitioned into this new life with relative ease.

As soon as we were back in the states, we jumped back into Young Life and Wyldlife, and D joined us for all the meetings and clubs.  Even though he really had no idea what it all was, he realized pretty quickly that it meant fun and lots of new friends.

He's still not totally sure what his dad does, but he knows it involves cute teenage girls stopping by and wanting to see his room, so he's all "keep up the good work, Papi".

Life with an orphan makes you realize just how amazing life is.  The things you take for granted as being mundane and everyday become an incredible adventure when seen through the eyes of a kid that has never done them.  

Like making brownies.

Or getting gas.  He was way excited about getting gas.  Every time he got in the car he would check the gas gage and ask, "Get gas today?  Please?"

I never knew getting gas could bring so much joy to a human.

Other things that bring unparalleled joy include but are not limited to:

opening and closing the overhead garage door

seeing animals in the yard (yes, every squirrel is announced with glee)

seeing animals from the car (yes, every squirrel is still announced with glee)

using the turn signals in the car

starting the car

turning off the car

using the windshield wipers in the car

opening the car hood

looking inside the hood of the car

filling the windshield wiper fluid 

anything dealing with the car

emptying the dehumidifier (the "magic box that makes water from air")

going through the bank drive through and getting a sucker (he thinks they are small sucker factories that have an amazing free sample drive through policy)

seeing roadkill ("why animals not see the cars?  and who picks them up?")

seeing a "deer crossing" sign because he thinks the deer gather at the signs to hang out

thunder and lightning ("did you see THAT one??" with every bolt)

power outages (completely freaked his freak)

making campfires ("at orphanage they not let us start fires"…probably a good policy)

getting the mail (he still can't comprehend junk mail, he thinks it's all worth keeping)

Things in America he has discovered do NOT bring unparalleled joy:

making his bed

weeding and mulching

broccoli

Seriously though, having D in our lives has given us a new perspective on the joys of simple things.  Things we once saw as mundane take on new life when he is around, as most things he experiences are completely new and exciting.  It has been a blessing to have been given a new perspective on things.

The most exciting thing for me has been watching him get a new family…grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins.  What an amazing privilege to watch a kid who literally had no one that wanted him come into a family that has welcomed him with open arms and genuine love and excitement.

Wow, how I have taken being in a family and being loved for granted.

For spring break, we headed to Arizona to meet some of that family for the first time.

He loved hanging with Bapa.

Of course loved swimming.

And LOVED meeting his Uncle Fifo, my little brother.

I mean, he's got a pool and a jeep, what's not to love?

He met Everley, his youngest cousin, and was so sweet with her.

He and Fans went geocaching every morning, and D was in this phase where he wanted Fans to dress the same as him.  He would say "Papi!  Let's be twinsies!"

(Another twinsie pic from home.  This phase has since passed, but it was very cute while it lasted.)

We love to hike while in Arizona and we were hoping D would like it too.  Fortunately, he did.

Right before this picture he said to Fans, "Papi, hold hands because rattlesnakes."

We introduced him to In N Out, and he is slowly getting used to hamburgers and hot dogs.

The family that hosted him in 2012 happened to be on spring break nearby, so we had a fun afternoon hanging with them one day.

They will always be family to him.  So sweet.

Easter Sunday with Tutu and Bapa.

Again, D has gone from zero to hero in the family department.  When he arrived at their house, Tutu had a pile full of new Adidas clothes laid out for him, along with a huge jar of jelly bellies and 5, yes FIVE, different boxes of chocolate cereal, since she had heard we don't let him have chocolate cereal at home.  

What else are grandmas for though, right?

D loved his Tutu, and I caught these precious moments as we said our goodbyes at the airport.

D did not want to leave.

Other highlights of the last three months…

Meeting more new cousins for a Brewers game.  D is enthralled with his older boy cousins.  Joey and Louie are two of his faves.

D ran in some track meets this spring, which it turns out he loves.  (Although he hasn't met a sport yet that he doesn't love.  Except the sport of weeding and mulching, but I think I mentioned that.  And no, he didn't believe me when I told him it was a sport in America.)

We are glad to say he loves frisbee golf, a favorite family pastime.  Between that and his love of geocaching, Fans is in heaven.

He has been doing amazingly well with his English.  Unfortunately he is starting to realize that he is forgetting his Latvian, which makes him sad.  He will try to think of a word in Latvian and is shocked when he can't remember.  Sad to see that part of him slowly disappearing.  I wish I had taken more videos of him speaking his home language.  But when he is surrounded by only English, it is inevitable that he will lose most of his Latvian.  But he may be surprised at what he picks up again on our third and final trip to Latvia later this year.

He loves to read to us every night in bed, which helps with his English.  Last Christmas the Fanning's had a surprise Dennis shower for us where each cousin gave D their favorite childhood book.  We have slowly been going through them, and D gets so excited when he finishes a book.  He adds it to his done pile and recounts how many he has finished.  He says he's never read a book by himself before. 

It's great to see him so proud of himself.

He has been able to spend time with his extended Fanning family down in Chicago a few times, which he has absolutely loved.  He stayed a weekend at his Aunt Betty's and Uncle Keith's, and they took he and some cousins downtown to the top of Willis tower, to the Shedd Aquarium, and to a trampoline park among other things. He has no idea how good he's got it!

He's actually in Chicago right now again while Fans is at Frontier Ranch in Colorado with Young Life kids and I'm here in Latvia.  The first time we left him he cried.  This time he barely waved goodbye as he ran to ride bikes with his Aunt Mo and cousins.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude for having family that supports D and our adoption.  I know that is not always the case with families.  We are blessed, and so is D of course.

He met his Grammy and Grampy Fanning for the first time about a month ago, when they came up from Florida for the summer.

He loved meeting Papi's parents.  He thinks Grampy Bill is hysterical. 

Who doesn't love being loved?

We took him on his first family camping trip to Devil's Lake, one of our favorite places to camp and hike.  

He wasn't sure he would like it and was nervous to go.  I'm not sure what he thought camping was, but when he realized that starting fires is encouraged at all times, he was on board.

He called himself "the fireman", and he said when he grows up, he now wants to be a fireman.  

But not the kind that puts out fires, the kind that starts them.  

We told him that's not really how being a fireman works.  

That is, however, how being an arsonist works.

But hopefully he chooses another path.

He loved camping.

He also loved the day we spent at Mt. Olympus water park while we were camping.

Does it get any better than that when you are 11?

He was in heaven.

He loves hanging with his Bohrman cousins in Oconomowoc whenever we get the chance.

And it's been fun to hang with some of the other adopted Latvian kids in the area that are also from his orphanage.

I love this pic of D with 2 of his Latvian buddies jumping in the pool.  What pure joy.

Fans and I had our first Mother's and Father's Days, which were awesome and long awaited for.

D was so excited to plot and scheme with Fans about Mother's Day.  He could barely wait for me to get outside and see my car.

He always spells Mom with and a, and I don't hate it.  

And please notice that a bird pooped me a perfect exclamation point.

D got me 12 gifts, one for each year that we were apart on Mother's Day.

Absolutely the sweetest.

And 5 of those 12 involved car care.  He already knows me so well.

I will say the only not so wonderful gift was a bottle of perfume. 

He picked it out himself.

It has what I would call a questionable scent.

It's a legit perfume, expensive, from the department store.

But, yeah, it smells like pine needles.

And of course he asks me every day, "Mom!  Did you put on your perfume??"

And of course I do because how cute, right?

But on two separate occasions a salesman has walked into my office at work and said, "Hmm, it smells like pine trees in here."

A third said it smelled like potpourri.

What woman doesn't love to smell like Christmas and dead flowers 12 months a year?

So every time I spray some on, I thank God for the gift of my precious adopted son and his excitement over getting me gifts for Mother's Day.

And then I spray 5 extra squirts into the garbage, because I love the gift but I want it to go away faster.

We celebrated Father's Day early, because of YL and Latvia, and D and I surprised Fans with a new grill.  We put it together ourselves while Fans was at a meeting one night.  

It took us two solid hours, but we finished just in time for Fans to pull in the driveway and open the garage door where D and I were ceremoniously dancing around it.

Doing things like assembling a grill is so much fun with D, because he has never done anything like that.

He's never been taught about tools and screwdrivers and ratchet wrenches and it is something that he finds so exciting.  Such a "family" thing to do.  He saw the extensive instructions and said, "Mom, that's too hard.  We can't do that."

I said, "Yes, we can buddy.  One step at a time."

And each step that we finished was more exciting then the last.  He gave me a high five after each of the 42 steps, and he was astonished when we got to the end and we had made a grill.

"Mom!  We did it!  Won't Papi be surprised!"

Things like that really boost his confidence, and you can tell he is in heaven just being in the garage with his mom building something.

Next week I may show him the miter saw.

Maybe not.

D also made Fans this plate for Father's Day.

He calls him Papi Schlapi on the regular.

It's pretty cute.

We stopped at my Uncle John's one day, and John surprised him by letting him drive a boat for the first time.  Probably the highlight of D's life right there.

Uncle John also taught him how to fish that day, so now D has a new favorite great uncle.

Some of our most fun adventures happen spontaneously, like when we stopped at the White's house on the way home one day and he discovered their rope swing over the river.

When something like that happens, he will talk about it for days.

Or like when someone brought in an abandoned baby raccoon to my work on his way to the wildlife refuge.

It's not everyday you get to snuggle with a raccoon.

This is one of my favorite pics, such meaning to this image of D putting up the American flag on Memorial Day.

This post is already officially the longest post in the universe, but I wanted to add some random stories from the last three months because I'm afraid if I don't write them down, they will be lost forever.  There are so many things I've already forgotten, funny moments or quotes that were said, and I hate the thought of not having these to look back on when D is older.

Hugs and Bugs

D has taken to calling hugs bugs.  I have no idea why, he just calls them bugs.  At least 5 times a day he will come find me and say "Bug please", which means he wants a big hug.  One day I said to him, "Man, you are really good at giving hugs.  Why do you love hugs so much?"  He looked up at me and said, "In orphanage, not much hugs."  My heart melted.  

Then bugs all day it will be.

My Babies Will Have Yogurt

We were shopping at Costco one day when D saw the 24 pack of Chobani yogurt and wanted to get it.

I said, "Buddy, there are only 3 of us in our family, we don't need 24 yogurts.  We will go to Pick N Save and buy 6, not 24."

Discouraged, he sighed heavily and said, "When I have babies, I will buy them much yogurts."

Family in Target

In the first month that D was here, he couldn't get enough of our being a family, meaning the four of us (Wrigley included) being in the same place at the same time.  One night we were all at home watching TV, and Wrigs and I were on the couch.  Fans came over to sit by me, and then a few minutes later D looked up and gasped, as if to say "What!  You're sitting as a family and didn't tell me?!"

He jumped over to us on the couch and put one arm around me and the other around Fans.  Nodding his head and smiling he looked to his right and 

then to his left and said, "Family on couch.  Family on couch."

Another time we were walking down the main aisle of Target.  D was walking about 10 feet in front of us.  Fans grabbed my hand as we walked, and a few minutes later D turned around and noticed.  Again, he gasped, shocked that we would have a family moment without him.  He ran back to us, grabbed Fanning's other hand and with the same confident nod said, "Family at Target."

Will Our Nest Ever Be Empty?

There is so much that D does not understand about family dynamics because he has never been exposed to a family.  One day he asked me, "How long will I live with you and Papi?  Forever?"  I tried to explain to him about going through high school and then college and that sometimes after college, kids like to live in a different place than their parents.  He looked shocked and said, "I don't want to do that.  I want to live with you and Papi until I am old man."  He thought for a minute and then said, "Maybe I live in house next door to you and Papi!"

I said, "Sure, why not!  Then I can come over every day for a yogurt."

What is a Date?

Speaking of not knowing family dynamics, D totally doesn't understand why Fans and I would ever want to do anything without him.  I tried to explain what going on a date was and he was throughly confused.  "But why you want to go eat dinner without me?"  He has never seen a mom and dad interact, nor does he understand why they might want to be alone for any amount of time.  The next day he came to me and said, "It's ok.  You and Papi can go date.  I ok with that."

Well thank you for your blessing, sir.

Life Before D

He is equally confused that we dared to have a life before he came to be our son.  He will see a photo of us on a vacation from years ago and say, "What!?  Why you not take me with?"  I try to explain that we did a lot of stuff before he joined our family, and that we've been alive long before he was even born.  He saw me writing a check and asked why his name wasn't on the top where ours were.  I made the mistake of telling him, "Well, when you start putting money in our bank account you can be on our checks."  He jumped up, ran to his room and brought me back his $27.  "Here, now you can put my name with yours."

He's a smart little dude.

But it's going to take more than $27 to get on the checks, my friend.

Taxes

For Christmas, D was given a gift card for $50, and he used it to buy a Lego set that cost $49.99.  The total came to $52 and some change, and he looked at me dumbfounded.  We explained what tax was, and he grumpily took the extra $2 out of his own wallet to pay the cashier.  On the way home he asked all kinds of questions about why we have to pay taxes.  He shook his head in disgust.  

Welcome to the rest of your adult life, buddy!

Later that night I laid in bed with him.  He always requests that one of us lay in bed with him for 10 minutes as he falls asleep, but if it were up to him, we would stay for 30.  Sometimes I give in, other times I stay for only 10.  

This night as he and I laid in his bed he said, "Mom?  Ten minutes, right?"  

"Yep, I'll stay for 10 minutes."

He gave me a sly smile and said, "Mom, plus tax...12 minutes."

I had to give him 12, it's the law.

Gratitude

In a lot of the adoption articles I read, it said not to expect your adopted child to be grateful for what you have done for them.  They can't comprehend the work it took to get them home, and they aren't in a place to process what has been done.  One of the first weeks we were home, D wanted to know how we came to adopt him.  I told him that his host family, the Olshanksi's, were so sad that they had to send him back to Latvia after his visit, and so then they told us about this boy named Dennis and asked us if we wanted to adopt him.  I told D that we prayed a lot and asked God if we should adopt this boy named Dennis.  And I told him that God said yes, he wanted Dennis to be our son.  So we did.

D sat quiet in the car for a few minutes, pondering what I had told him.

He looked over at me slowly and said, "Mom.  Thank you.  I really wanted a family.  I really wanted a mom and dad."

I will never forget that moment and the way those words came out of his mouth. True gratitude for what we had done for him.  It was very unexpected and meaningful.

D Learns About Infertility

About a month into being home, D asked me why I never had babies in my belly.  I carefully tried to explain that the doctor told us that we couldn't, that sometimes people just can't have babies.  He took a few moments letting that sink in.  Then he said, "Mom, you know why it good you can't have babies in your belly?  Because if you did, you wouldn't have come to get me!"

I laughed and said, "I know!  And I am so glad!  You are my baby, even if you did not come from my belly."

He said, "Mom, I not baby.  I boy."

So that's our last three months in a nutshell.  It has been a season full of transition and adventure as we begin this new life as a family.  There have been numerous times I have stopped in wonder and thanked God for how he has brought us to this place.  I think of the pain of infertility in the first years of our marriage and the 12 years of waiting.  And I look at this boy and shake my head, not believing that I can possibly fit any more joy into my heart at being his mom.  If you had told me years ago as I struggled through watching everyone around me having babies and becoming parents that I too someday would have that chance, and that it would be through the adoption of an 11 year old Lativan, I would have called you crazy.  

But here we are, the Fanning family of three.  

And nothing feels more right.

God had a plan for us all along.

We always knew it.

We just didn't know what it would look like.

So thankful we waited on Him.